More Creative Writing

Had this idea rolling about in my head today. Wrote this quickly so it is a bit rushed. Feedback would be greatly appreciated:

Short story:


Everybody loved Kit Bowman.
From his striking good looks to his even more striking personality. It is not often someone so beautiful and popular could be so nice.
His piercing blue eyes and his dazzlingly white smile made even the harshest of people admirers.
Everything came easy for Kit: girlfriends, friends, jobs. Everything he went after he got.
He was the towns golden boy and not just because of his shining hair.

Then the accident happened.

From then on everybody feared Kit Bowman.
His good looks so striking they seemed almost unnatural. His blue eyes so piercing just a look made you go cold, his smile so wide, his teeth so sinister and sharp.
Now nothing came easy for Kit Bowman except loosing everything he'd built.
No longer the towns golden boy, his hair no longer shined.
Now the town feared him.

After all once you are dead you shouldn't wake up